


Things Unspoken

by wigglebox



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Death, Established Relationship, Human Castiel, M/M, mature for sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 01:22:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6136483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wigglebox/pseuds/wigglebox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is something I keep thinking about ever since Billie arrived in the show and made that promise to Sam. The fact that there would be no sharing spaces after death for Dean and Sam anymore.<br/>I keep thinking how that would affect Dean and his relationship with Cas (on what ever level. In this case, romantic.)</p><p>I don't expect this to be the only fic I write regarding the new promise of death hanging over Dean and Sam's head. </p><p>Thank you for reading!<br/>--------</p><p>Supernatural Writing Challenge: Feburary - "Forever"<br/>Amazing, awesome, top-notch Beta: Trimcoast</p></blockquote>





	Things Unspoken

Forever wasn’t something Dean thought about often. Never in a good way at least. Maybe sometimes like when they were discussing the gates of hell or whatever, but in reality nothing in his life seemed to indicate “forever”.

 

Even Death wasn’t forever. He had to be holed up in either hell, purgatory, or heaven. Each of those places easily accessible from someone still alive; or worse, some higher power with an agenda.

 

People didn’t last forever. Relationships didn’t last forever. Dean was not a forever guy.

 

Sometimes he allowed himself to think about forever. He already lived longer than he ever imagined, so maybe, the theoretical “forever” (indicating living to at least 90) was still in the cards.

 

But then reality sets in, and Dean realizes that he should have been dead around 19 times by now. Who’s to say he won’t be dead tomorrow.

 

Dean never thinks about forever as a plausible way to live or die. Forever doesn’t last.

 

But now, he wants it to.

 

Billie the Reaper’s indication of a “forever dead” scenario was initially appealing to him the few years ago it was mentioned. No one dragging him up or down, ripping him apart, or using him for a game between cosmic entities.

 

That was fine when he figured he was going to die by Amara or Lucifer anyways. But not now. They escaped all of that. It’s over and done with. A normal-ish life ahead of him.

 

In the five years since The Darkness to now, a “forever death” doesn’t cease to give him anxiety, particularly when he he thinks about his limited time on earth with Cas.

 

Dean doesn’t know where Cas will go in death. He hopes it isn’t heaven, but there’s no other alternative if he thinks about it. Billie didn’t say Cas would also be scattered across the cosmos.

 

One night, while wrapped in a tight, hot embrace with Cas snoring gently against his neck, Dean realized that in death they wouldn’t see each other. They won’t share the same plane of existence. There’s no bar with Ash and Jo and all their friends who died. There’s no laughter and comfort in whatever warmth heaven manufactures.

 

That night, Dean turned over  to see Cas’s sleeping face in the dull orange glow of the street light. Their chances of surviving until 90 was laughable.

 

Over the past few years, as Cas adjusted to being human on his own terms, they still hunted. Nothing big, just little things here and there as they toured the US and parts of Canada. Their trips were not nearly as dangerous as things they had faced in prior years, but it was enough.

 

Still, there was always that risk. Dean and Cas faced death every time they went into a hunt. Sam, hunting with Eileen mostly now, faced the same problem. Dean doesn’t know if Sam told her about Billie’s plans for him when he bites the dust. He doesn’t plan on asking.

 

Dean hasn’t told Cas.

 

It’s been five years and he still hasn’t told him.

 

For the most part, the thought isn’t even in his head. And if it is, it’s pushed to the very back, labeled _not yet_ . They’re having a pretty good time and Dean doesn’t want to ruin it with a “Hey get your kicks in now because this is all we have.” If Dean really wanted to be honest with himself, he doesn’t want to develop that nugget of doubt; that treacherous thought of _we have no time together, it would be better if I was not even here so the hurt is less._

 

But sometimes, at night after a long day when they are just in bed, breathing and simply near each other, or when Dean is pinned down on a mattress, surrounded by warmth and the heavy scent of sex,  the thoughts come roaring back into his head. He waits until Cas is asleep before the tears roll from his eyes.

 

The thought occurred to Dean that maybe on his deathbed, he could ask Billie that whenever Cas dies, they could somehow live in a forever, existence-less void; like an inaccessible heaven.

 

If that could happen,  maybe death would be more tolerable.

 

Dean was never scared of death. After dying so many times, the shock left him. But now he quivered in the shadow of it once more. He felt like he was constantly outrunning it; working to get enough life into his life.

 

Death was intimidating again. Maybe that’s what Billie wanted all along.

 

The threat that brought him back down to his knees.

 

Dean always puts it off until tomorrow though deep down he knows he won’t do it tomorrow or the next day after.  He will tell Cas at some point. They’ll have a sit down and he’ll explain everything that’s going on, and why they have to make sure they don’t waste a single day.

 

There other other, more important words Cas needs to hear from him first. There were things unspoken between them. Words that needed to be spoken together, in the dim, warm light of their room.

 

Dean needed to live.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is something I keep thinking about ever since Billie arrived in the show and made that promise to Sam. The fact that there would be no sharing spaces after death for Dean and Sam anymore.  
> I keep thinking how that would affect Dean and his relationship with Cas (on what ever level. In this case, romantic.)
> 
> I don't expect this to be the only fic I write regarding the new promise of death hanging over Dean and Sam's head. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> \--------
> 
> Supernatural Writing Challenge: Feburary - "Forever"  
> Amazing, awesome, top-notch Beta: Trimcoast


End file.
